Guest Post: Courage

Courage

It takes courage to start something new.

I’ve often found that when starting something really challenging I look for any reason to doubt myself; I tear myself down and I end up convincing myself not to even start. When I attempt to start, I battle with a voice in my head that tells me “You’re not good enough!” When I convince myself not to start, it’s often because the voice in my head wins.

I’ve come to realise, however, that the voice I hear is the part of me that’s both fearful and protective. Warning me not to do anything that might cause me shame, rejection, or worse down the line. It serves me as a reminder of my childhood experiences that now keep me safe from re-experiencing but sadly, as an adult today, I’m often left regretful and stuck on ideas not pursued.

So as endless thoughts now rush to my head as I type, telling me not to endeavour with this idea, I’m quickly waging through the war. Fighting back to deliver my honest words on what it means to live on after childhood adversity or trauma.

It takes courage, consistency, and compassion.

This is Chapter 1 of my series called ‘Compassion For The Child’. A written series of posts dedicated to compassion after childhood trauma. I share openly and honestly on themes relating to it through advice, stories, and reflection from my experiences as a person and my continuing treatment of these themes as a professional in the mental health industry. This is aimed at those curious about childhood trauma, working with childhood trauma, or who have experienced something traumatic in their childhood and are finding their own way through life afterward.

I welcome you all to this and will write from a shared perspective. Although our experience of trauma can be an individual one, the desire to find healing is a shared one so don’t be surprised if I use collaborative language such as ‘we’ or ‘us’ throughout.

It takes courage to begin anything.

I started my professional journey as a counsellor working in schools and community centres. Before each job I started, or each interview I went to, a voice would tell me that I’m not good enough. That I would get it wrong. The thought of introducing myself or not having the right answers to any question I was asked would make my stomach churn and my forehead sweat. My favourite thought was that I was a fraud who will one day be discovered. I didn’t want to be exposed as that fraud and so I wouldn’t start anything or see ideas through to their completion.

There were jobs I didn't apply for and certainly times when I just didn’t show up to things, physically or emotionally. I was terrified that the people I would encounter in the job interviews or working alongside me would discover all the unrealistic things I would say to myself. Yes, there were times when I didn’t get the job I applied for or tried to do something that I couldn’t do. The responses I received were never as bad as that voice in my head telling me how bad a person I was for even trying. But understandably, at the time it feels safer not to try anything than to experience the relentless taunts existing in my head. In these instances and more, I had to find courage.

I’m not the most courageous person in the world by any stretch of the imagination. I’m no superhero standing in the face of danger and fending off evil, but I have discovered what courage means. Courage for me is about showing up one step at a time. Examples include:

● Getting up out of bed when life feels hopeless, is courage.

● Leaning on others for support, is courage.

● Extending a helping hand knowing others may reject you or shame you for it, is courage.

● Choosing to share something about yourself to the world that they didn’t know before, is courage.

All these things and many more take courage and rightly you should consider yourself brave when you do anything that gets you in touch with the real you. It’s likely that a voice will come in and tell you how being yourself is wrong, not enough, or flawed in some way but it isn’t. It’s a step forward in being who you are rather than what childhood may have conditioned you to be because it was in childhood where that voice originated.

Courage is the first step against the voice telling you not to move. And that’s an incredibly brave step when trauma may have taught you otherwise. Even considering taking that first step is brave. It means the internal war is being fought which can lead to many more acts of bravery and self-discovery. Consider this post as our first step into being who we are.

This is the first post of many that’ll be out in the future. Now that I’ve started, I’m not stopping. These are here to help guide or motivate you. They’re written honestly and without judgement.

Please feel free to get in touch through the details on my website if you want to share anything about what I’ve written. Find out more about me here if you’d like to but in the meantime, look after yourself!

Jonathan

Jonathan Estwick

My name is Jonathan Estwick and I am both a BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) registered person-centred counsellor and also a coach for childhood trauma survivors. I work with adults, young people and even young children at different stages of their recovery, supporting their mental and emotional wellbeing.

My ethos is firstly, to educate on the impact of trauma and mental health; secondly to empathise with the experiences and feelings that can affect mental wellbeing; and lastly to extend trust and compassion to facilitate growth.